THE HANDMADE HOLOCAUST
Look, we get it. The industry’s obsessed with "authenticity" and "human touch" right now. But let’s be real: articles like this one about Robin Lochmann’s three-year AI-free nightmare are basically virtue signaling. "Created entirely by hand"? Please. That’s like bragging about hand-washing your dishes when dishwashers exist. Meanwhile, tzbtzb’s Blender texturing study is impressive, sure, but it’s just one guy grinding away while the rest of us are trying to figure out why our renders still look like dog shit. And JuanCarlos CR’s Sid stop-motion hybrid? Cool party trick, but it’s not solving the industry’s core problems. The real takeaway? Everyone’s desperately trying to prove they’re not a soulless AI bot, but the market’s still drowning in soulless AI bots. This "handmade" trend is just another enshittification of the artist’s labor.
PROCEDURAL PISS
OpenUSD v26.03 dropped with "3D Gaussian Splats." Sounds fancy, right? It’s basically a way to render complex 3D data without polygons. Cool tech, but let’s not get too excited. It’s like finding out your old car now has a fancy new cup holder. Meanwhile, Autodesk’s latest updates for Maya, 3ds Max, and Flow Studio are all about "faster iteration" and "flexible procedural workflows." Translation: They’re trying to make their bloatware slightly less painful to use while charging you the same insane subscription fees. Cuberact’s procedural planet project is neat, but it’s just a hobbyist playing with old files. The real question is: when will these "procedural" tools actually solve the fundamental pain points instead of just adding more buttons to click? Until then, it’s all just more enshittification of our workflows.
REMEMBER WHEN
Remastering nostalgia is the new black. First, we get this Jak and Daxter "remaster" animation leak. Travis Howe’s "improved graphics" look like they were rendered on a potato. Then there’s the whole "Cool Procedural Planet Project" that basically revamps old files. It’s like finding your high school yearbook and realizing you still look like a dork. The industry’s stuck in a loop of rehashing the past while pretending it’s innovation. "Remaster that never happened"? More like "remaster that never should have happened." Until someone actually makes something new and exciting, we’re just wallowing in the enshittification of our own history.
What's Actually Coming
More of the same. Autodesk will keep adding "features" to Maya and 3ds Max that you’ll never use. OpenUSD will keep adding niche formats. Handcrafted 3D artists will keep making "cozy" portraits that no one buys. Procedural tools will keep promising speed but deliver frustration. And remasters? They’ll keep reminding us how much better things used to be, even if they look like garbage. The only "innovation" coming is more enshittification. Buckle up.